Osama Bin Laden’s Top 10 Climate Change Tips

Now that Osama bin Laden may be replacing Al Gore as the head climate change whiner he has some tips for you on how to reduce your carbon footprint.

10. Live in a cave. You don’t waste valuable resources building a house. Place a Persian carpet on the floor and you’re in solid comfort.

9. Kill lots of infidels, it reduces the world population and saves green resources.

8. Keep telling the homicide bombers about them virgins. When they blow themselves up and take out 50 other people we save on using resources and reduce the population simultaneously. It also reduces the line at the grocery store so I can go shopping faster.

7. Keep letting the rumours out about alleged Al Queda attacks at tourist spots in Europe.  This keeps pollution down because everyone stays home instead of going on vacation. I can get a room easier, too, due to all the cancellations at Cannes.

6. Ride a motorcycle to jihad and save gas. They pollute less than a Toyota Prius but they’re not as comfortable. Kind of hard to bring your sheep, but we work it out.

5. Donate money to Iran to help them get the atomic bomb. This will get rid of everyone when they start World War III. There will be no one left so no one will worry about climate change. I will be safe in my cave and ready to take over in 10,000 years when the radiation dies down.

4. When shooting infidels don’t spray and pray, make every shot count. This reduces your carbon footprint because you’re saving ammunition and the resources needed to manufacture it.

3. Keep 4 or 5 wives.  This saves fuel running all over Pakistan and Afghanistan looking for dates. They also keep you warm in winter so you don’t have to turn the thermostat in the cave up at night. Fall has arrived at my camp, might be a 3 wife night. Hmmm….that might be a good name for an Arabic rock group!

2. Use “natural” fertilizer in your opium field. This reduces your global footprint because you are not shipping fertilizer to your farm. The only problem is it stinks and your opium taste kind of shitty when you smoke it.

and the number one tip is…………………………………………….

1. Make one of your wives a sheep. She won’t tell, she won’t swell, she’ll be grateful as hell. When she gets old you can shoot her, have lamb chops for dinner and use the wool to knit a sweater.

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2 Comments

Filed under Climate Change, Co2 Insanity, Comedy Relief, Eco Jihad, Global Warming, Satire

2 responses to “Osama Bin Laden’s Top 10 Climate Change Tips

  1. Anonymous

    dont screw sheep

  2. Anonymous

    dont screw sheep