2011: New suggestions on how to read the climate future

Well, for almost  all year I’ve been hearing about how 2010 will be the warmest year ever. It seems the climate prognosticators have blown it again because the data is in and shows that 1998 is still hottest.

Based upon the dismal record of climate predictions in 2010, for 2o11 I have some new suggestions that “climate scientists” may want to use to read the future of the Earth’s climate.

Face it, no matter how much Al Gore wants global warming it’s not happening and no matter what kind of crap they run through their computer models all that comes out is comedy.

So, here’s some suggestions from CO2 Insanity that those ‘warmer’ scientists may want to try so they can finally sway a unswayable public to believe in global warming so we’ll all be happy to pay mega bucks to fatten bank accounts, I mean save the planet.

  • Western Astrology: Western Astrology is the most ideal for a detailed climate analysis. I bet they will be able to tell when it’s over 600 degrees in Egg Harbor, Wisconsin faster than a satellite!

ASTROLOGY

  • Chinese Astrology: Chinese astrology helps to discover how hot one will be in each year. Confucius say you better get a bigger air conditioner and a swimming pool.

TAROT

  • Tarot: Tarot Cards helps to explore situations in sea-level depth. Which evidently isn’t rising by much at all.

NUMEROLOGY

  • Numerology: Numerology helps to analyze future in terms of ones birth date and name. So far global warming, climate change and climate disruption have failed. Perhaps numerology will come up with a new name that will be a winner. I bet if James Hansen puts his name and birthdate in he will come up with a terrific new moniker, perhaps global lying?

PALM READING

  • Palmistry: Palmistry helps to read your climate future through the palm of your  hand. Finally! Your own personalized climate future. Since much of climate science seems to be an exercise in masturbation this seems to be a good fit.

THE GORACLE

  • The Oracle: The Oracle helps to gain instant answers to our questions. This is a replacement for Al Gore, known about town as “The Goracle,” who failed miserably at convincing us all we’re gonna fry. Perhaps the Oracle will have a better line of BS

CARTOMANCY

  • Cartomancy: Cartomancy helps to discover the dynamics of our relationships. Will Gaia love me or hate me? Will she be a hot mama or frigid?

I-CHING

  • I Ching: I Ching helps to increase understanding of our current situations. This replaces Ka Ching that stopped when the Chicago Climate Exchange puked on 12/31/10.

RUNES

  • Runes: Runes help to understand the inner workings of our climate. Will that inner magma erupt and cool us off by spewing ash into the atmosphere? Will Al Gore spew more hot air?

DIVINING ROD

  • Divining: Divining helps to find definite answers to practical problems. Hopefully James Hansen will use this to find out that it is neither divine nor practical to be using non-existent temperature stations and adding hot air to temperatures.

DICE

  • Dice: Dice helps to discover more about immediate climate future. I believe some weather people, especially the MET Office, already use this method. I’m sure a good roll or two will prove that 2011 will again be the hottest year yet and that the UK will have its 3rd mild winter in a row in 2011. I expect to start hearing that mantra from GISS and the MET Office any day now. £39 million computer? Who needs it!

DOMINOS

  • Dominoes: Dominoes helps to make an instant assessment of life. Wow! No more waiting for those computer models. Did your satellite crap out? No Problem! Flip those dominoes and get instant climate data and a prediction. These can even be lined up to show the domino effect that will happen after we hit that climate tipping point.  Nothing better than a visual explanation!

TEA LEAves

  • Tasseomancy: Tasseomancy is the art of reading future through tea leaves. They better do this one fast because according to the warmist the tea leaves won’t be around for long. I guess the British will have to start thinking about an alternative like hot chocolate. Nope, some warmer has already started whining about cocoa beans being affected by climate change, too.

CRYSTAL BALL

  • Crystal Ball: If they shake it and it doesn’t snow in the ball then we’ll have global warming. If they shake it and there is snow, we’re in for another ice-age. Simple enough.

VOODOO BONE READING

 

  • Voodoo Bone Reading: Toss dem bones and find out if it’s gonna be so hot that a visit to Baron Samedi is in your future.

Well, that is about if for suggestions. These methods certainly couldn’t be any worse than the crap we’ve been getting the past decade or so.

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6 Comments

Filed under Climate Alarmism, Climate Change, Co2 Insanity, Global Warming

6 responses to “2011: New suggestions on how to read the climate future

  1. You jest about western astrology and weather predicting, (at least I think you were joking!!) but astrometeorology actually has an outstanding record for weather predictions for many centuries…..do give this method a little respect, seeing how todays fancy schmancy weather forecasters, with all their satellites, etc., etc., can barely go beyond 4 days with any accuracy!! Look into it!!

  2. What’s wrong with Nostradamus?