Today Al Gore denounced global warming. In an apology speech he said……….
Global warming is a fraud and I am ashamed of being conned into believing it!
I have immediately cancelled my order for the new Fisker’s Karma electric car and I have ordered a new Hummer to replace it. The Hummer will have a twin-turbocharged 454 Chevy engine in is that bored out to 515 cubic inches, makes 950 HP and gets 1.2 miles per gallon.
Since being green is no longer a problem with global warming and the drought in California is over I have ordered high-flush toilets for the 9 bathrooms in my new Mansion in Montecito, California. I have also added 3 more heaters and 3 more air conditioning units, the latter of which will be great for cooling me off when I have a hot masseuse over.
Tomorrow I will start writing my new book about global cooling titled “An inconvenient deep freeze,” which will suggest that we start burning more stuff to create more CO2 so we can start warming this planet up before we all freeze to death!
I am also suggesting to President Obama that we immediately start to drill baby drill all over the place. ANWAR? No problem! Deep drilling in the Gulf of Mexico! Go for it! Hell, I’m even going to make sure that off-shore drilling around Santa Barbara is approved again! I can’t wait for the view of all those drilling platforms!
And………if you believe this….. I have a nice bridge that is golden in color that goes from San Francisco, California to Marin County, California and will be accepting bids starting at the minimum bid price of $100 billion.
Have a happy April Fool’s Day!