Category Archives: Comedy Relief

John Kerry the New Al Gore

The new Al Gore

Wow, I’m impressed, John Kerry, the ultimate “climatologist.” Who wouldathunkit.  So what’s so impressive about the man who got shot in the ass in Vietnam? Well………that bullet may have actually hit his brain.  You won’t believe this one, but here it is courtesy of CNS News.

Speaking at a town hall-style meeting promoting climate change legislation on Thursday, Sen. John Kerry (D-Mass.) predicted there will be “an ice-free Arctic” in “five or 10 years.”

“The arctic ice is disappearing faster than was predicted,” Kerry said. “And instead of waiting until 2030 or whenever it was to have an ice-free Arctic, we’re going to have one in five or 10 years.”

5 or 10 years? Very interesting indeed!  Are we talking Earth years? Or, perhaps years on Pluto? Even NOAA isn’t that retarded.

However, the Web site of the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration says: “Using the observed 2007/2008 summer sea ice extents as a starting point, computer models predict that the Arctic could be nearly sea ice-free in summertime within 30 years.”

At least they give it 30 years. So where does Kerry get this information from?

NSNews.com called Sen. Kerry’s office on Thursday to ask for the source of the senator’s assertion that there will be “an ice-free Arctic” in five to ten years. The office directed CNSNews.com to contact Kerry press secretary Whitney Smith by email. Smith did not respond to repeated emails asking the source for Kerry’s assertion about the Arctic ice

I bet I know….it’s called a brain-fart.  Or, perhaps he OD’ed on too much Heinz 57? Want to see another one?

In his talk on Thursday, Kerry said environmental degradation is happening faster than previously anticipated

Did he mean to say mental degradation?

“The Audubon Society – not exactly, you know, an ideological entity on the right or the left or wherever in America – has reported that its members are reporting a hundred-mile swath in the United States of America where plants, shrubs, trees, flowers – things that used to grow — don’t grow any more,” Kerry said.

Oh? Where is this? No comment? I Googled it, but I don’t see any 100 mile swath in the United States.  Is this a 100 mile swath like 100 miles wide that goes from the Canadian Border to Mexico? Or, does it go from the East to West coasts? Or, is it 100 miles long and 10 inches wide? I’d like to know. Or, could he be referring to Death Valley? It’s about 100 miles long and not  much grows there.

I wonder if Murmansk will have a yacht harbor where he can park his new yacht and save $400,000 dollars like he just did by putting it in Newport, Rhode Island? Will he get a sudden urge for a masseuse or four?

Well, I for one am waiting for the announcement that Mr. Kerry will be next years recipient of the Nobel Peace Prize.  I mean if they gave one to the IPCC  and Al Gore, then they should certainly give one to John Kerry, who actually makes the IPCC and AL look smart after this statement. Which actually is something I would have thought impossible, until today.

Source: CNS News

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Are We Bored With Climate Change?

Americans Bored? This guy looks like the definition or boring!

Here’s a good one. A Brit named Ian McEwan writes a book on climate change called Solar (my how original!), then blames Americans being bored with climate change as the reason the book tanked. Gotta love that ego. Moreover he gets bad reviews and blames us being bored for that, too!

Here’s something from the Telegraph about the book and McEwan.

McEwan blamed American apathy for the negative reviews afforded to Solar, his satire about global warming.

The New York Times critic dismissed Solar as one of McEwan’s “lesser efforts” while the Washington Post called it “flaccid” and advised readers to “let Solar pass and wait for his next book to eclipse it”.

McEwan, who recently returned from a North American book tour, said many Americans had a “passionate dislike” for the novel.

Let me see does “lessor efforts” and “flaccid” sound like Americans are “bored” with climate change? Or, does it sound like the book sucks? Our fault we’re bored? Or, his fault for bad writing?

“Some of [the critics] were moaning that the novel had no plot and was formless, someone else was moaning that there was way too much plot. I think, though, that I caught America in a mood of profound boredom about climate change. They just didn’t want to hear about it any more, they were sick to the teeth. I think there was a strong element of that.”

Judging by the number of hits some climate change websites get, regardless if they’re “warmer” or “skeptic” sites I’d say he not only got the book wrong, he got the reason for bad reviews and sales wrong, too. Per his statement below, evidently he isn’t really sure we’re bored either.

He added, with a laugh: “Or maybe it was no good, there was always that possibility.”

This could also be a reason we’re turned off by the book.  It perhaps hits a little to close to reality.

The main character in Solar is Michael Beard, a deeply unlikable Nobel Prize-winning physicist engaged in the battle against global warming.

Man, if that doesn’t sound like Al Gore, as they say, “I’ll eat my hat.”  As “popular” as Al is, no wonder they’re panning the book.  I mean who wants to read about a boring, untruthful,  “sex-crazed poodle” who’s carbon footprint is so large someone might think he’s the cause of global warming all by himself? Flying all over telling us not to pollute, buying large mansions. That’s what I call getting off (pardon the pun) to a bad start from the get go.

Want another reason? Well, here from the horse’s mouth” we get the following.

“I did spend a lot of time with the science, and read an enormous number of papers, and it would seem to me there’s a fairly powerful consensus. About three-quarters of the papers I read thought we had a man-made problem and there was some urgency.

“At the same time, there are some very good sceptics out there. Sceptics are completely different from ideologically-driven deniers, who have no evidence but have interests to protect. It’s a very important distinction to make. Some of my best friends are climate change sceptics. The denial camp are really not scientists at all, they are very well-funded, particularly in the States, and they have specific agendas.”

See?  We’re back to that same old “warmer” song with words like “consensus” and “urgency” (damn he forgot unprecedented and robust).

Then we get to more of the same old “warmer” song about skeptics “have no evidence but have interest to protect,” “really not scientists,” “very well-funded,” “specific agendas”

Want some more? It appears us Americans aren’t the only one’s who panned this novel.  Seems the British don’t like it either, which is another indication that someone perhaps should admit that his book sucks, or at the very least that it’s only going to be read with any interest by people like him, who are dimwitted enough to believe in anthropogenic global warming. Here is some of the review from the Guardian, a British newspaper.

Ian McEwan excels at climate science but his one-dimensional protagonist makes you shudder.

Solar is a sly, sardonic novel about a dislikable English physicist and philanderer named Michael Beard. He’s a recognisable Ian McEwan type, a one-dimensional, self-deceiving man of science.

We have met others like him before in McEwan’s novels – such as Joe Rose, the science writer who narrates Enduring Love, or Henry Perowne, the brian surgeon protagonist of Saturday – but none is quite as repulsive as Beard.

Hmmmmmm…….other than the guy being British we’re sounding an awful lot like Al Gore again. I especially like the “repulsive” part. You can read the whole review here.  I love the last paragraph, which is below.

What is absent from Solar, ultimately, are other minds, the sense that people other than Beard are present, equally alive, with something to contribute. Without them, after a while, it feels as if you are locked inside an echo chamber, listening only to the reverberations of the one same sound – the groan of a fat, selfish man in late middle age eating himself.

“Fat, selfish man in late middle age eating himself.” You have to again wonder if he used Al Gore as his model for the hero of the book.  Perhaps he should have marketed as comedy instead of fiction.

No wonder his book tanked. Apparently no one likes it (well, maybe Al Gore bought it).  I may have to read it to see if the “her0” turns into a “sex-poodle” or not.  Perhaps if he’d put some good old-fashioned porn in there he could share the Nobel Porn Price with Pachauri, who writes sex novels. I can see it now…..

“He entered the room with spaghetti sauce dripping from his chin, a portly man who looked like his eyes might pop out of his head any minute. His dark blue robe was half-open and barely covered him up. All of a sudden he flung open the robe and started humping my leg like a sex crazed poodle.”

Nah, the thought of that is even more revolting than anthropogenic global warming.  More CO2 insanity.

Source: Telegraph.co.uk

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What are they smoking at the MET?

The MET’s latest prediction from this article in the Times is hysterical.  I have to wonder what they’re smoking.

The number of sweltering nights when the temperature in cities stays above 20C (68F) and the elderly become vulnerable to heat exhaustion will increase fivefold because of climate change, a Met Office study has found.

Looks like quilt manufacturers will soon be going out of business according to them.

Opening the windows will make no difference because the outside temperature will be too warm for the heat in homes to escape. The “urban heat island effect”, in which buildings and roads absorb heat during the day and release it at night, could result in the temperature on the hottest nights remaining above 25C.

So better get that air conditioner installed now before the price goes up.

During the 2003 heatwave, which killed 2,000 people in Britain, the hottest nights were around 20C. Daytime temperatures reached 30C for 10 days in a row, but it was the hot, airless nights that proved fatal because people were unable to cool down and recover from the stress of the daytime heat before the sun rose again.

I guess the poor British have never heard of taking a cold shower to cool off?

The Met Office study found that, by 2040, it could need to issue heatwave warnings for urban areas four times more frequently. The warning system was established after the 2003 heatwave to help people to protect those at risk, including the elderly, young children and those suffering with poor health caused by respiratory diseases.

By 2040? Wow they must have some crystal ball, or perhaps some screwy computer or perhaps some screwy scientists? Or, perhaps all of the aforementioned?

Using computer models, the researchers found that the number of very hot nights in London would increase from two to ten a year.

Uh oh!  There’s those computer models again. You know how those work? It’s called lets play plug in some silly figures and see what the silly results are and then lets scare the crap out of everyone for the 5,000th time and perhaps they may start to believe in our predictions and in global warming.

Ahh….here we go with the silly solutions for the silly problem created by the silly scientist with the silly computer model.

Vicky Pope, head of climate advice at the Met Office, said cities would need to adapt to cope with more frequent heatwaves. The amount of shade would be a key consideration and new urban developments and buildings could be painted white to reflect the sun’s radiation.

What? No giant umbrella over London?  How about one of those plastic domes and a gigantic air conditioning unit for it?

Let’s see,  the MET Office….aren’t they that wonderful bunch who said last winter in Britain would be the warmest in recorded history, then had to back off that and admit that it was the coldest winter in Britain in the past 30 years?  What about their infamous “barbeque summer” predicted just before that? What about their great prediction about the ash cloud from the Iceland volcano that shut down the airways in Europe needlessly?

How about their wonderful computer that evidently even though it cost 30 million pounds evidently isn’t much better than using an Atari game? You can read about that here.

The Met Office unveiled Britain’s most powerful super computer today, which is capable of 1,000 billion calculations every second

However, they admitted despite the £30million system being more powerful than 100,000 PCs it could still get the forecast WRONG.

Well, like the man said….”if you believe that, I have a big golden colored bridge I’ll sell you in San Francisco.” I wonder how many people at the MET would buy it?

Source: Times Online

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Who’s Crazier? Tiny Tim or Al Gore?

I don’t know how people find this stuff, but we have the comedy winner of the month here from Creative Minority Report’s content found here titled Tiny Tim vs. Al Gore.

So Tiny Tim was the father of the global warming movement? Yeah, that fits. Make sure you at least make it to the chorus where he starts screaming “The Icecaps are meltin Oh-oh-oh-oh-OOOOOOOh!”

But you’ve got to decide who’s crazier? Tiny Tim is the obvious kind of bonkers that you see on street corners and cross the street to avoid whereas Al Gore is the more dangerous kind of looney that isn’t immediately apparent and you don’t know he’s flipped until he’s sitting in your living room eating your Chinese food and lecturing you that your freezer’s running too high.

So compare Gore’s performance with Tiny Tim’s and tell me who you think is crazier.

This is most definitely CO2 Insanity at its best.

Source: Creative Minority Report (which is definitely creative!)

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Everthing IS Caused by Global Warming

FIIF FUNNIES

Here’s the complete list of things caused by global warming.  Just about everything IS caused by global warming.  If it isn’t caused by global warming, then it CAUSES  global warming. Yet more CO2 Insanity.

Source: Warmlist

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EPA Protects US From Perrier!

Today’s comedy relief (as if there isn’t enough surrounding climate change already) is that per this article from John O’Sullivan, we get to see how deep the EPA feels their duty to protect us goes.

While analyzing the federal government’s latest long-winded publication, ‘Climate Action Report, the Fifth National Communication of the United States of America Under the United Nations Framework Convention on Climate Change’ I stumbled across something buried deep inside that will dismay (or perhaps amuse) many taxpayers.

Long-winded publication from the Feds? Praytell! Read on!

In the section entitled, ‘Proposed Regulation Facilitating Geologic Sequestration of CO2’ the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) has pulled out all the stops to make an even bigger ass of itself. It is introducing a new requirement under the Safe Drinking Water Act to protect U.S. citizens from being ‘poisoned’ from carbon dioxide in drinking water.

Disavowing itself of saner opinion on the matter, the EPA has determined that the ingredient that makes the water’s fizz-that nasty carbon dioxide-is nothing short of an environmental ‘poison.’ But have you ever heard of anyone being poisoned by Perrier?

See the government can do the impossible.  The EPA actually made a “bigger ass out of itself.”

The latest cock-eyed federal policy concerns “a new class of injection well—Class VI” (page 44) that at great expense will inject carbon dioxide (CO2) underground by a process that will inhibit drinking water from becoming as carbonated as fizzy Perrier water. The greenies call this process ‘carbon sequestration,’ in case you didn’t know.

For the billions this will probably cost you’d think we could at least get some Dom Perignon out of it.

Another case of CO2 Insanity……..literally.

Source: Climate Realists

Short bio: John O’Sullivan is a legal analyst and writer who for several years has litigated in government corruption and conspiracy cases in both the US and Britain. Visit his Website: http://www.suite101.com/profile.cfm/johnosullivan

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Legitmate Earth Day News Straight from NASA?

Here is an oxymoron for you….”Here is some legitimate Earth Day news straight from NASA.  Ummmmmm…hmmmmmm. More CO2 Insanity.

Here’s your link to it.

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