Tag Archives: Bill Gates

Bill Gates tries to come up with a royal flush

What’s a billionaire to do? You’ve already made it. You have more money than you could ever blow unless you invested it with John Corzine. Cars, yachts, private jets, lavish vacations? Well, they were fun at first but now are old hat.

Bill must have been watching Mayor Nanny Bloomberg too much because now he’s wanting to re-invent the toilet and declare himself Nanny Gates. After all, declaring one’s self above the riff-raff and telling everyone what to do is the next logical step before becoming the ultimate, a dictator.

Microsoft co-founder turned global philanthropist Bill Gates on Tuesday launched a search for a new toilet better suited to developing countries.

The charitable foundation founded by Gates and his wife kicked off a “Reinvent the Toilet Fair” in Seattle and awarded prizes for promising innovations.

“Toilets are extremely important for public health and, when you think of it, even human dignity,” Gates said in a statement at thegatesnotes.com.

Yes Bill! We need the new Microsoft Toilet! Which prompts me to wonder what the hell a Microsoft toilet would do? I can imagine the following:

  1. You say “Open man – the lid and seat open.
  2. You say “Open woman – and the lid just opens with the seat down.
  3. When you sit down a screen comes out of a hidden compartment and slides in front of you so you can surf & shit.
  4. If you take too large of a dump it pops up on the screen “Warning: Hard Poop capacity has been exceeded. Please flush so it clears out the “memory.”
  5. Can be set for Auto Flush so you don’t get the warning in #4.
  6. Automatically plays Chris Matthews podcast when you sit.
  7. Special Cheryl Crow Edition only dispenses only one piece of TP per use no matter how horrendous of a dump you just took.
  8. Screen automatically prevents you from reading any right-wing stuff like Fox News and redirects you to HuffPo or CNN or MSNBC.
  9. Automatically measures, then enters you the dump of the month contest. Winner gets a free two-holer Microsoft Toilet that promotes Bill’s family values.
  10. Has two icons on the top. One for #1 (Shows a guy taking a whiz) and one for #2 (shows a guy taking a dump).
  11. When done with #1 it purifies it and recycles it into a re-useable water bottle (throw-away plastic bottles forbidden).
  12. When done doing a #2 it incinerates what’s in the bowl with a built-in flame-thrower. Warns you to get up fast or your ass will get singed before firing the flame-thrower.
  13. Standard Edition uses special TP with a Google logo on it.
  14. No built-in bidet – uses too much water. Gotta keep the ecotards happy yanno.
  15. No built-in butt blow-dryer unless you order the special Solyndra Edition that comes with a built-in solar panel and substitutes the Google Logo TP for real $100 dollar bills you can flush down the toilet like Obama and the DOE.
  16. Upgrade to the Barack Hussein Obama Edition which is gold-plated, uses Trillion Dollar Bills instead of $100’s and comes with a teleprompter when going #2 so you grunt properly. When done prompts you to say Hot Damn! Look at the size of that dump!
  17. Optional Janet Napolitano Editions that  come with the extra-wide toilet-seat option and a vibrator.
  18. Special Al Gore Inconvenient Truth Edition comes with a built-in heater so you can pretend your massive dump just caused massive global warming.
  19. Special Jihad Edition substitutes paper for 3 stones and looks like a hole in the floor. When you flush it makes an exploding sound like a car bomb.
  20. Special Nanny Bloomberg Edition checks to see if you have had any trans fats or 16 ounce Cokes in the past 24 house and yells at you if you did.

OK, Bill. So let’s just ignore the good old-fashioned outhouse that’s worked for centuries. What? They already have composting toilets and incinerator toilets? Bah! We need high-tech for 3rd world countries!

Source: Yahoo News


Filed under Editor

Rich people with fat heads want to play GOD

One just has to love the rich. Many probably not any smarter than anybody else, but they happened to be in the right place at the right time so they made billions of dollars.  Nothing wrong with that. I’m glad they’re successful.

What pisses me off about some of them is that the equate having billions in the bank with having brains that have somehow evolved to where they’re now braniancs who consider themselves smarter than everyone else on the planet. It seems there must be a scientific equation “fw=fh2.”

To translate:

F= fat, W=wallets, H=heads

So the equation really means fat wallets = fat heads squared.

Why the rant? Well, normally I could really give a hoot what people like Bill Gates and Richard Branson do generally speaking, but it seems that we now have those two and some others who are so presumptuous that they think they can play GOD and screw around with the Earth’s climate, which is an audacious plan if I ever heard of one.

Per this article in the Guardian titled “The powerful coalition that wants to engineer the world’s climate” you can see what I am talking about.

Now, a powerful coalition of forces is quietly constellating around the idea of transforming the Earth’s atmosphere by simulating volcanic eruptions to counter the warming effects of carbon pollution. Engineering the planet’s climate system is attracting the attention of scientists, scientific societies, venture capitalists and conservative think tanks. Despite the enormity of what is being proposed — nothing less than taking control of Earth’s climate system — the public has been almost entirely excluded from the planning.

Yes, don’t give the public clue, after all, us peons shouldn’t be involved in such doings as if we don’t have billions in the bank I guess we’re not smart enough to play GOD. Actually I think it may perhaps be more like they’re afraid of what will happen if everyone gets wind of their secret plan.

The article then goes on to make me laugh my ass off with this line.

Moral hazards

Although ideas for climate engineering have been around for at least twenty years, until recently public discussion has been discouraged by the scientific community. Environmentalists and governments have been reluctant to talk about it too. The reason is simple: apart from its unknown side-effects, geoengineering would weaken resolve to reduce carbon emissions.

See, this is where the word audacity comes in.  They actually have the nerve to claim reluctance about this based on the claim it would “weaken resolve to reduce carbon emissions.” I call that ballsy because what we need to do is go back to the same place we always go which is “follow the money.” I’d offer my opinion that the real reason they want this hush-hush is that it might screw up their plans to make billions on carbon trading schemes and selling things that will reduce carbon output or store carbon.

It’s not only the “warmers” who are in favor of this idea either.  It seems the other side of the fence is in on this too, again, follow the money, it will lead you to the source of the problem.

It is strange that geoengineering is being promoted enthusiastically by a number of right-wing think tanks that are active in climate denialism. TheAmerican Enterprise Institute, an influential think tank also part-funded by ExxonMobil that offered US$10,000 to academics for papers debunking the reports of the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change, has launched a high-profile project to promote geoengineering.

Strange? I don’t find it a bit strange, you follow the money, if they can geoengineer the carbon problem away in a hurry, then big oil and big coal can continue to pump out CO2 with impunity.  It’s doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure that one out.

It seems the people promoting this idea are nuts. If they can’t get any government or governments to go along with playing GOD, then we get this next step they plan on taking.

Faced with this resistance, Wood speculates about getting private funding from a billionaire for an experiment. “As far as I can determine, there is no law that prohibits doing something like this”. Wood is right: there is no law against a private individual attempting to take control of the Earth’s climate.

Imagine a private individual or group of them in control of the planet’s temperature. That would have to give them the ultimate power to control the Earth’s governments and population. Don’t do what I say? OK we’ll turn the temperature down so you have no crops growing until you capitulate then we’ll rectify the problem. Just the threat of that would get the world’s leaders bowing at their feet. Think I am crazy?

Perhaps the wealthy individual he has in mind is Bill Gates, who has covertly been funding geoengineering research for three years with advice from Keith and Caldeira.  They now oversee Gates’ research fund, which has spent some $4.5 million to date

Yes, Bill Gates. Imagine the man who wants to control what software you use to feather his billions having control over your climate? Think all the BS that goes on with Windows is a problem? Just imaging the possibilities.

  • Climate Version 1.00
  • Climate Version 1.01 – corrects defect in Climate 1.00 that caused flooding in Mauritania.
  • Climate Version 1.01.01 – corrects defect in Climate 1.01 that turned the flooding in Mauritania to change to drought.
  • Climate Version 1.01.03 – correct defect in Climate 1.01.01 that caused the glaciers to return in the Himalayas too fast.

I think you get my point that one person or one group of people need not be in control of the Earth’s climate. That’s a disaster waiting to happen. Moreover I don’t even thing they should be experimenting with it without global consensus because it’s going to affect everything on the whole planet. Remember I mentioned Richard Branson?

Gates is not the only billionaire lone ranger who wants to save the planet. Richard Branson has set up his own “war room” to do battle with global warming.

Battle it or profit from it or have the ultimate power trip called controlling the climate? Think I’m off base? Think about the implications.

I personally think it would be a large step in the wrong direction that would make the United Nations attempts at creating a new world order in which they control everything to look rather feeble. If this is allowed to happen it will in my opinion have great potential of leading to one global dictator.

Want Bill Gates or Richard Branson telling you what to do and how much tax money to stuff into his over-inflated bank account? Want to have a new GOD to worship?

I’d suggest Gate or Branson take the name Thor. Thor (from Old Norse Þórr) is a hammer-wielding god associated with thunder, lightning, storms, oak trees, strength, destruction, fertility, healing, and the protection of mankind.

Sounds fitting doesn’t it? Perhaps we’re now heading towards Mega CO2 Insanity, or should that perhaps be megalomania?

Source: The Guardian

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Filed under Co2 Insanity, Geoengineering, Global Warming, Truth Stranger than Fiction